Vin Diesel

From LiMaWiki

I like Vin Diesel and thought these were funny. In addition, I am tired of hearing how badass Jack Bauer and the geriatric Chuck Norris are. Vin Diesel is the shit.

Don't believe me? Listen to this interview with Conan O'Brien - It's an MP3 file. Right click, Save As...

• If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
• Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
• There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
• When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."
• Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
• Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.
• The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.
• When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• Vin Diesel wears a cup - not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
• Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.
• Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."
• Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.
• Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Vin Diesel can watch an entire season of "24" in just three hours.
• All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.
• A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.
• Vin Diesel played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Gaming related "facts" from Master Ninja

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Vin Diesel has a threat range of 1-20.

Vin Diesel is healed by sonic damage.

Vin Diesel wields two weapons with no penalties. In fact, he can wield three weapons with no penalties. He takes a -2 to all attacks if he simultaneously wields a fourth weapon.

The tarrasque has DR 40/Diesel.

Vin Diesel can apply metamagic feats to his spell like abilities as a free action.

If you attack Vin Diesel when he's flat footed, as an immediate action, he punches you in the face for 4d6 + Str damage. Twice. Then he makes you sit down and think about what you did.

Vin Diesel can make Use Magic Device checks untrained.

Vin Diesel doesn't pray for divine spells. Divine spells pray for Vin Diesel.

TSR never released the most dangerous of its campaigns: "The Temple of Elemental Diesel".

Vin Diesel made peaceful contact with an evil outsider. And then he kicked its ass.

A vampire's slam attack gives Vin Diesel positive levels.

Vin Diesel can spelljam in a rowboat.

One day, Vin Diesel got a shovel and made the Underdark "just for the Hell of it."

The "Vin Diesel" miniature had to be banned from tournaments because of its tendency to launch itself at the opponent's face.

Vin Diesel shits Spheres of Annihilation.

There's a special addendum to the 3.5 SRD that allows Vin Diesel to continue using 3.0's haste.

Vin Diesel's animal companion is a kraken who lives on land just to hang out with Vin. His mount is a herd of bulettes.

Vin Diesel can look directly at nymphs, and they like it.

Gods cast commune to contact Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel caused the Time of Troubles. And the Mourning.

Vin Diesel has a racial +20 bonus. To everything.

Vin Diesel regularly seduces succubi. The results are not half fiends, but half-Diesels.

The game was originally called "Dungeons & Diesel", but there weren't enough dice to roll stats.

Vin Diesel ate Cthulhu with butter and lemon pepper at Red Lobster.

Sometimes, when he's on a streak, Vin Diesel can roll a natural 21.

Vin Diesel is always LARPing. And he will kick your ass if you try to meta-game.